Finding Balance

Ever since I entered college as a freshman, I have placed the majority of my daily efforts into finding balance in all the areas of my life. Balance between work, education, family, friends, sports, travel, finances, etc. Balance between what I want to do and what I need to do, what I enjoy doing and what I'm good at, or even what I could do and what I should do. To this day, it has been an on going battle, and hasn't seemed to get any easier in the past couple years. In fact, recently, I feel like many of my efforts to find the right balance that I'm looking for may actually be creating more imbalance. This of course gives me the feeling that I'm going backward instead of progressing forward, and at times, can be very frustrating. I realize that many of these things take time, and that people often say, in order to take two steps forward, you have to take one step back. The problem is that sometimes I don't know how many steps back I've taken or even which ones are stepping forward, backward, to the side, or nowhere at all.

Those that have read this blog regularly, probably have an idea of the things I am referring to, but those that may have stumbled upon this page more recently can probably relate to this just as easily. I imagine everyone deals with these struggles and I certainly don't claim to be a special case in the matter.

Like many of the people I know that live similar lifestyles to my own, I feel there is never enough time to get this balance right and the fast passing of weeks, months, and years just make it all more difficult. When I made the decision to leave my engineering position over 2 years ago, I had the feeling that I took a step back. However, I quickly took many steps forward in a short amount of time. I found what I thought was a great balance and was reaping the benefits as that fall was my best season of running ever. I was very happy with the decisions I made. Several months later, I took an even larger risk which may have been greedy or selfish on my part, and a risk that I probably pressured myself into taking. I moved to California to pursue my running career even further, convincing myself that there was a lot more out there for me. This plan backfired and I am still trying to make up for the many steps back I took in that short six month period.

It's already been over a year since I returned to Boston, and though I may have corrected several imbalances in that time, I still feel like I am so far from where I want to be in my life. Of course, the hardest part of that statement is I don't know where that end goal lies or what it entails. Because of this, I find myself trying to fulfill all these wants and needs, enjoyments and talents, could's and should's, etc. I find myself too ambitious and taking on more than I can handle.

After taking such a big risk on running in 2008, I was almost forced to pull away from that part of my life and take a good hard look at a professional working career. I came to the realization that I would not be a professional athlete and instead needed to get a job, hold a job, and make ends meet the same as most everyone else in this world. This doesn't mean I have any less desire of pursuing my running dreams and see how far I can go in this sport. I just knew I needed to work harder on the other side of the scale. Because running was and still is such a big part of my life, I felt my best job opportunities would be within the world of running, so I've stayed in that realm of work and continue trying to make a living at it in many ways.

Fortunately, I've kept my promise of always putting my family and friends first in my life and I don't feel like I've ever strayed too far from that passion. I know how lucky I am to have these people in my life and I have no problem putting my personal goals aside for them. Some people have accused me of being too generous in this regard, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've spent a little more time than I planned talking about this balancing act, and per usual, this post is getting very long. Moving forward with this, I guess I'd like to recap a couple things that have happened in the last several weeks and maybe give you an idea of why this discussion topic came up when it did. This blog has been intended to allow people to see my training and hear my views on my racing and any contributions to the sport of running. Though the life of Jeff Caron may be very oriented toward running, there have been many other experiences along the way. Therefore, The JC Experience has had many other topics as well, which may or may not be enjoyed by the majority of it's readers, but I do what I can with what I have to work with.

As I've alluded to before, I am currently working full time at The Greater Boston Running Company and have been for 6 months now. More recently, I was offered a management position at our Lexington location and accepted the offer. The added responsibility was expected and I feel I've been fulfilling my obligations well, despite my other life pursuits.

Another project/job that I've also alluded to on here and have been working on for a while, is that of my role in the Santa Barbara International Marathon. As many of you saw, we successfully put on our inaugural event on December 6th, and were generally happy with the positive impact it had and how well people responded to it. Behind the scenes, there was a tremendous amount of hard work put into it by many of the key players involved, and initially, we were very nervous about the outcome, afraid it wouldn't meet our expectations. As you can imagine, putting on an inaugural event in a city that's never had something of this magnitude can be quite an undertaking. Despite all the stress and frustration leading into it and despite us not being fully satisfied, it was a great event and had more positive response than I imagined it would. Being the person I am, I probably put more pressure on myself than was warranted to fulfill our expectations. I followed Rusty, June, and Dan's lead and pretty much turned this into a full time job in the weeks leading up to the event. I took pride in the work I did and was happy to be a part of the event. I'd love to discuss this more, but there's just too much. Feel free to check photos, results, and comments from the people involved on our website or our facebook page. As a final note, I have to say that there is an incredible support crew in the extended Santa Barbara Community and they were the ones that will most likely bring me back next year to do it all over again. To name a few, I'd like to thank Tamara Berndt, Elda Rudd, Tim Bomba, Kim Burnell, Brooke Powell, Adrienne Cueto, Rich Smith, Andrea McLarty, Cody Westheimer, and many more!

Photo Coutesy of Rusty Snow

With regards to my running, I haven't put a lot of it on here recently, mostly because of embarrassment. In the last three months I've averaged between 35-40 miles a week. I've talked a good game about being more committed, but I haven't followed through with my plans. This is simply unacceptable. Granted, I have had this ongoing plantar issue I've been dealing with, and I've struggled with energy levels in that time, but it still isn't a good enough excuse. Honestly, I don't know how I've managed to race as "well" as I have this season. I've relied solely on my ability to race, my will to succeed, and pure stubbornness in competition. I've been aggressive in every race I've run this season and I've known at the start of every race that it was going to be painful. If nothing else, I hope that I've forced myself to be tougher in this season. Maybe when I finally to get the proper training under me, I can use that to find a new level that I've not tapped into before.

My experience at the Club National XC Championships in Kentucky last weekend was overall a good one, as I saw many of my old friends and connected with many new friends as well. I tried to take advantage of that rarity and make the most of it. I did race hard, I ran about what I expected for a time, and I believe I added to the success of our team, but I just can't bring myself to say that I am happy with 73rd place. I know I am a better runner than that ...maybe not now, but I know it's in there. I was ok with getting by at the regional level, getting 7th at NEs and 2nd at the T-Day 4 Miler, but on the national level, you can't fake your way through it. These guys were prepared and ready to perform. I was not. It was certainly a wake up call that I had been ignoring all season because of everything else. But now that I have the relief of Santa Barbara behind me and we will soon be entering a new year and a new season, I have to make something happen.

I wouldn't say I've gotten away from the sport as I have been competing right along these past several months, and I've done just enough to be in good shape, but not great shape. However, I've let myself get away from that bubble I was on in 2007, that bubble of elite and sub elite. I know I can get back there with a few months of consistent training, I just need to find a way to make that commitment. Going forward, I have to shift that balance back to my own running and make that my focus again. It is what makes me happy and is a unique part of my life that can reward me like nothing else can. Of course, that reward doesn't come easy, I need to work extremely hard for it!