Move On and Man Up!

Monday, June 1: 0 Miles
Tuesday, June 2: 6:00 PM - Track WO w/ Ari, Mario, Tony, & JP
24 min w/u
4 x 600m w/ 2 minR - 1:43, 1:42, 1:40, 1:41 (3.5 minR)
4 x 200m w/ 1 minR - 30.8, 30.5, 30.5, 29.8
24 min c/d
Wednesday, June 3: 5:30 PM - 5 Miles, 40 min w/ NB Corp Group (National Running Day)
8:30 PM - 6 Miles, 45 min w/ CVC
Thursday, June 4: 0 Miles
Friday, June 5: 9:30 AM - 6 Miles, 40 min w/ strides on grass after
Saturday, June 6: 11:00 AM - 20 min shakeout
7:30 PM - NB Boston Twilight Meet #2 (Flotrack Coverage)
20 min w/u
3K Race - 8:40.50 (Video)
21 min c/d
Sunday, June 7: 9:00 AM - 13 Miles, 87 min

Week Total = 51 Miles, 6 + 1/2 Sessions

As you can imagine, there was quite a bit of disappointment with how this week ended for me. Things were going just fine at the beginning of the week. After Saturday's and Tuesday's workouts, I was feeling pretty confident that I'd be ready for a solid 3K this weekend. I put all this attention on myself while trying to build up these meets and get everyone excited, motivated, and inspired to come out and race with us and be a part of something special. On Wednesday, I was mentally prepared to run a fast 3K and actually compete in this race. However, between my run on Wednesday and my race on Saturday, I sabotaged all that preparation and ruined my race before it even started. For those of you that know me well enough to read between the lines on this weekly ramble, you know that I've been trying to balance quite a few things in my life, and on occasion, have note done very well with that balance. I've gotten by most of the time, and up until this point, I've been able to align the good days when it mattered. Saturday, however, was not a good day. I knew it when I woke up that morning and I knew it when I stepped on the line that night. As a result of a couple bad days leading up to it, I was both mentally and physically drained and could not find the excitement, motivation, or inspiration that I had been preaching just a few days earlier.

I started the race with dead legs and was just hoping that I could tough it out a get through it ok. I used every mental trick I know to get around the fact that I felt like crap. It was a big field and I knew that the majority of that field would be (or should be) behind me, so the goal was to not get stuck behind those people. I also knew there were guys in there that would most likely be ready to run away from me at a pace that I couldn't handle. So I got out quick in the first 50 meters, picked a spot around 7-8th place and settled in. The positioning seemed fine, but I could tell the pace was slow. Since I was just trying to maintain whatever competitive edge I had, I didn't want to worry about the pace and just wanted to focus on keeping contact. Shortly after that, coming through the 400 in about 70, the front quickly adjusted the pace downward to make up for the slow start. Of course, I wanted to go with them, but the guys immediately in front of me and to my outside did not speed up. I started to frantically look for a way out of this box as I watched the leaders open up a significant gap. It seemed like forever, but I got out about 200m later. Because of the rate those guys picked up the pace, that was enough time to open up a good 20m on me. I really wanted to be able to latch onto someone and disassociate from the heaviness of my legs for as long as possible. But now, not even two laps in, I was laboring to try and regain contact. I tried to chip away at the space between us as I ran a 65 for the next quarter and still didn't make up much ground. I was probably running the same pace as they were, but just could not close that gap. I hit the mile in about 4:31 and was still about the same distance behind them. Going through at 4:31 really wasn't a bad thing, but the fact that I was already running by myself for 3 laps and was already struggling to hang onto that pace was a very bad thing. I felt like I wasn't even part of a race, which is why the remaining laps went so badly. I just started feeling sorry for myself and counted the laps until it was over. At the time, I didn't feel like I had given up, because I felt like I was working really hard and my legs just weren't responding. I continued to run by myself until some guy finally reeled me in and passed me in the last 200m.

Within about 2 steps after crossing the finish line, I started to feel the anger build. I could not believe what just happened. How could someone that puts so much emphasis on this sport do so poorly in a race like this? How could I ever consider myself an elite athlete if I can't perform on race day? How could I run 7 seconds slower than I ran in practice 3 weeks ago? It was such a bad feeling and I did not know how to react to it. There was a really great meet going on around me and I didn't allow myself to enjoy it because I was so consumed by this anger and disappointment. I had just been given a perfectly good opportunity to run fast and I threw it away.

Looking forward, I have another opportunity just around the corner, so I need to figure things out quick and make sure this weeks incident doesn't happen again. I know my training hasn't been stellar leading up to this track series and has probably been the most inconsistent in years, so I know I can't be expecting any earth-shattering performances. But I do know that I've been working pretty hard and would like to assure myself that I'm in better shape than I was as a sophomore in college some six years ago. I'm running the 5K next week and for all I know, it could be my last track race of the year. I would like to think that I'm better suited for a 5K right now and would like to be able to put together a race that reveals the fitness that I've shown glimpses of in workouts over the last month or so.

I know there were probably some people that had high hopes for me this past weekend and I apologize for not following through with those expectations. I had a bad race on Saturday and I have to take ownership for that. My teammates are out there getting it done, my coach has done everything he can do. I have the support and tools in place, so now I just need to man up and fulfill my end of the bargain.