Again, I have no numbers to report here as I continue to mend my broken body. I could go on about how frustrating and depressing this slow process has been, but I'll try to keep this post a little more upbeat. So even though the progress is slow, there is progress, so I have to be grateful for that. I've started seeing a new doctor at Performance Health Center in Natick, and she's been great. It's been nice to get another set of eyes on this thing and another school of thought in this recovery. It seems that there is in fact a light at the end of the tunnel and one that seems to be getting slightly brighter at the moment.
Other than all the efforts I've spent on healing myself, I've also had some other things to keep me busy. Last weekend, I spent four days straight at the World Trade Center in Boston as I helped manage Boston's Run to Remember Race. This was a huge project and had me putting in some long hours. Even though it left me exhausted and probably set me back a few days in the healing process, it was a good experience and a huge success as I learned a lot about what goes into managing an event of this magnitude.
After taking the last few days really easy and again focusing all my efforts on getting healthy, I am now preparing for another busy week ahead. However, the events will likely be much less stressful. My travels start tonight as I'll be driving down to New York City and staying with Rupprecht for a couple days. I'll have a chance to see his new place and hang out for a bit before we head over to Icahn stadium tomorrow night for the Reebok Grand Prix meet. It should be pretty exciting and will be nice to see some friends race well along side many of those athletes that I've looked up to for so long. Sunday morning will be an early one, as I'll be making my way back north and passing through Rhode Island to watch many of my peers compete in the Rhody 5K.
Once I return to Boston, I'll have time for a few hours of sleep before jumping on a plane and heading west for a few days. I'll be going to Chino Hills, CA where I'll be in search of some answers regarding one of several possible futures. When I return from California, I'll be just a few hours away from my next trip to Ann Arbor, MI (I won't even leave the airport). This is a trip that's been planned for a while now. When I originally made these plans, they included visiting two of the coolest people I know, as well as a hope of running a very fast 5K, preferably one that started with the number 13. Now, however, things have changed. I will still be making this trip and I will still be visiting with the aforementioned individuals. However, rather than being a participant in the Midwest Distance Solution as planned, I will instead be a spectator. It will still be an exciting weekend and I will again have the opportunity to support many extraordinary athletes, just like so many have done for me.
I am sure I will have much more to talk about when I return from my travels and much more to look forward to as this quest continues.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
Life = Risk
As you loyal readers have probably noticed, I usually start my posts with a jumble of numbers (either of miles, or minutes, or hills, or quarters, etc.) and then continue by trying to explain the meaning or purpose behind those numbers. This week, you won't find any numbers... no miles in the fells, no intervals on the track, not even any minutes in the pool or on the bike. That is because there were no numbers. It was a week of absolutely no exercise. A week necessary in order to get myself healthy.
When I went to PT on Wednesday to see Holly, I knew I would have to make some decisions based on what she had to say. I had gone 10 days now with only one day of running and hadn't done any other cardio activities. Since this is the point where fitness begins to melt away, I either had to get permission to get in the pool and try like hell to catch back up, or I'd have to consider cutting the season short. After Holly's examination, she told me there was not enough improvement and any activity would just further aggravate the injury. The recommendation was to wait at least another 4-5 days and at that point, I might be able to get on the bike. As much as I was expecting it, this was not the answer I wanted to hear.
Later in the day, I consulted with Kevin and we decided that the most logical option would be to end the season here and focus on getting healthy. As you can imagine, this was not an easy decision to make. I had been focused on this season for so long, and have built up so much anticipation for the possibilities within it. Some people may consider me a dreamer for thinking that I could accomplish the goals I had set at the beginning of this year... and maybe my eyes were bigger than my stomach when I set them... But you know what? I don't mind being a dreamer. In fact, I'm quite proud of it. I may not have succeeded this time around but I'm certainly not done trying. Life is all about taking risks. As defined in the dictionary, risk is: the possibility of suffering harm or loss; a factor, thing, element, or course involving uncertain danger. We take these risks every day because we believe the potential rewards will greatly out-weigh the possible harm or loss. Whether it be a risk of love, or a risk in sport, a risk on a career, or a risk on a once in a lifetime opportunity... we take them everyday. And the more risks we take, the more opportunities we will create for ourselves. As long as we have the courage to face the possible defeats, we will surely find success along the way.
I've accepted the fact that I've failed in completing my goals for this season, and yes, there was some personal harm involved. However, I have the courage to get up and try again and that's what I plan to do.
Here is a clip that shows a few people that have done the same.
Life = Risk
Quote:
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you until it seems that you cannot hold on for a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe
When I went to PT on Wednesday to see Holly, I knew I would have to make some decisions based on what she had to say. I had gone 10 days now with only one day of running and hadn't done any other cardio activities. Since this is the point where fitness begins to melt away, I either had to get permission to get in the pool and try like hell to catch back up, or I'd have to consider cutting the season short. After Holly's examination, she told me there was not enough improvement and any activity would just further aggravate the injury. The recommendation was to wait at least another 4-5 days and at that point, I might be able to get on the bike. As much as I was expecting it, this was not the answer I wanted to hear.
Later in the day, I consulted with Kevin and we decided that the most logical option would be to end the season here and focus on getting healthy. As you can imagine, this was not an easy decision to make. I had been focused on this season for so long, and have built up so much anticipation for the possibilities within it. Some people may consider me a dreamer for thinking that I could accomplish the goals I had set at the beginning of this year... and maybe my eyes were bigger than my stomach when I set them... But you know what? I don't mind being a dreamer. In fact, I'm quite proud of it. I may not have succeeded this time around but I'm certainly not done trying. Life is all about taking risks. As defined in the dictionary, risk is: the possibility of suffering harm or loss; a factor, thing, element, or course involving uncertain danger. We take these risks every day because we believe the potential rewards will greatly out-weigh the possible harm or loss. Whether it be a risk of love, or a risk in sport, a risk on a career, or a risk on a once in a lifetime opportunity... we take them everyday. And the more risks we take, the more opportunities we will create for ourselves. As long as we have the courage to face the possible defeats, we will surely find success along the way.
I've accepted the fact that I've failed in completing my goals for this season, and yes, there was some personal harm involved. However, I have the courage to get up and try again and that's what I plan to do.
Here is a clip that shows a few people that have done the same.
Life = Risk
Quote:
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you until it seems that you cannot hold on for a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe
Monday, May 12, 2008
Faith
Monday, April 28: 1:00 PM - 8 Miles, 52 min (New Shoes - 1223's)
Tuesday, April 29: 6:00 PM - Track Workout
24 min w/u
5 x (800m, 100m jog, 300m) 3.5 mr between sets
2:18.4, 48.3
2:15.5, 49.6
2:16.5, 48.8
2:15.5, 49.4
2:16.2, 49.8
25 min c/d
(right knee was tight that night)
Wednesday, April 30: 10:30 AM - 10+ Miles, 73 min
(knee wasn't bad on the run but sore later in the day)
Thursday, May 1: 0 Miles (Right knee pain)
Friday, May 2: 6:30 PM - 6 Miles, 40 min
(knee was feeling better, both shins were tight)
Saturday, May 3: 9:00 AM - Track Workout
25 min w/u
1 Mile @ 4:33.1 (4.5 mr)
2 x 800 @ 2:11.3, 2:11.9 (2.5 mr)
4 x 400 @ 66.5, 64.8, 64.4, 65.0 (1.5 mr)
(shins were tight on the warm up and cool down but not bad during the workout)
Sunday, May 4: 12:30 PM - 2 Miles, 16 min
(shin pain was so bad that I had to stop and walk)
Week Total = 48 Miles, 2 Track Workouts, 2 days off
April = 295 Miles
Monday, May 5: 0 Miles (hurt to walk)
Tuesday, May 6: 0 Miles (walking was a little better)
Wednesday, May 7: 0 Miles, PT w/ Holly
(left shin is better, right shin still hurts to walk on)
Thursday, May 8: 0 Miles (walking is easier)
Friday, May 9: 8:00 AM - 20 min shakeout on Pre's Trail
7:15 PM - Oregon Twilight
20 min w/u
5K Race - 15:12 (14th place)
no cool down
(no pain in the left leg at all, right leg is the worst its been yet)
Saturday, May 10: 0 Miles (having trouble walking)
Sunday, May 11: 0 Miles (still very painful to walk on)
Week Total = 9 Miles, 1 Race, 6 days off
First of all, I need to apologize for missing last weeks post. I wasn't sure what was going on with my body and I wanted to wait until I had a better answer before giving an update. I still don't have a good answer for what's going on, but I can talk about what I know.
Last Friday, I started having some pain in both of my lower shins. I've never had shin splints and was puzzled by the fact that I would get them now, but I assumed that's what they were. I did my workout on Saturday and didn't have too much of a problem.
However, I was in pain walking around the rest of the day and on Sunday, I couldn't run more than a mile without stopping to walk. If felt as if I had razor blades embedded under the skin and each time I took a step, they were cutting deeper and deeper. I continued to ice the rest of the day and spent hours reading up on shin pain symptoms. The majority of the pain was located about 3-4 inches above the ankle and on the anterior side. More so on the right leg than on the left. I've never had a stress fracture before either, but with the amount of pain I was in, I thought it had to be that. On Monday, I was already considering the fact that my season could be over and that I may not be able to run for the next couple months. I then saw Holly on Wednesday before departing for Oregon. She examined me and concluded that it was purely a soft tissue injury and that it was unlikely to be a stress fracture. She said that while it will probably be painful, I could still race on it and deal with the inflammation after the race.
So I went to Eugene with the intent of racing the 5K on Friday night. I was joined by Rupprecht, Mario, Joanie, Catherine, and Kevin. I still didn't run at all, hoping to let it heal as much as possible before the race. By the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling confident that I could pull this off and still get a good performance in. When I warmed up for the race, the pain continued to grow in my right leg. My left leg seemed to be completely healed, but my right side was getting worse by the minute. I just wanted to get to the start line and start racing so I could forget about the pain in my leg and focus instead on the pain of 12 and a half laps around Hayward Field. Of course, at this time, Barack Obama decided to enter the stadium and delay the meet for another 20 minutes. This anticipation was killing me and the pain in my leg was worsening with every stride I took. Doubt began to enter my mind and I was already starting to lose this race... but I just kept telling myself to tough it out and forget about the pain.
Finally, it was race time and the gun fired. I went into race mode and stuck with the plan. I found my spot in the pack and was cruising through the first few laps at 68 mids. The pace felt comfortable and even slow at times. I could do this, I could make this work. I started to think that this was going to be my day. Then everything just fell apart. For some reason, after about 5 laps, I couldn't focus on the race anymore. The only thing that I could think about was this warm sensation in my leg. I started to struggle, the pace no longer felt easy and I began to fade. The warm sensation had turned into tremendous pain. Doubt had overtaken my mind and there was nothing I could do to get rid of it. By the time 7 laps rolled around, all I could think about was stepping off the track and ending this agony. I drifted out into lane 2 and started to slow down. Then I looked up into the famous grandstands of Hayward Field... I saw the new Nike scoreboard showing the leaders of the race I was in... I saw thousands of people standing and clapping for the 20 athletes that were circling around the red oval, trying to improve their place in this sport. This was the magical track that everyone talked about... The house that Bowerman built, the heart of track and field, and the place where dreams come true.
I have never dropped out of a race and I just couldn't bring myself to do it here on this track. The last 6 laps seemed to take forever as I did my best to show an honest effort. I jogged the last mile and a half in pain and embarrassment, each time around just counting how many more laps I had to endure. I finally finished... and for some reason, I still looked up to check the time. As I saw those numbers next to my name on the scoreboard, I got sick to my stomach and just wanted to crawl into a hole. I sat under that tent at the finish line for a good 20 minutes. I'd like to say that I was coming up with some mind blowing revelations about sport or life or anything... but honestly, I can't remember thinking about a thing. I just sat there and stared at the ground. What just happened? Was this one of those bad dreams you have before the big race, only to wake up realizing that it hadn't happened yet? How could things be going so great and then just change overnight? What had I done wrong?
I realize these are questions that many runners end up asking themselves at some point in their careers. It's a tough thing to deal with and it's hard to stay positive when disaster strikes. I realize injury is a risk that comes with this sport, and it's one that I willingly face each day that I go out for a run or do a workout. Over the years, I've tried to limit those risks with preventative measures, but I've also increased the risks with increased workload and intensity. I have to keep in mind that to achieve these great things that I strive for, I have to take these risks and hope that despite the low points of injuries, there will also be high points of success.
I had a lot of time to think about things over the last couple days and try to put everything in perspective. I still have the belief that everything happens for a reason, and that we all lead our lives with a purpose. Even though some of the things that have happened in my life haven't made sense to me yet, I have to believe that they were all part of a greater plan than that of my own. There are many things in my life that I have control over and with that control, I try lead the best path I can. But there are so many more things in my life that I don't have control over, and for those things, I just need to have faith in the greater plan. I'll never know why we lost Emily or Jim or Marina so early on in this plan, but I'll always be thankful for the time that I had with them. Each one of them has made me a stronger person and has helped me appreciate the gifts that I'm given everyday. I don't know why this injury has come on now... maybe it's telling me that I've done too much, maybe I've done too little, or that I've put too much pressure on myself and haven't paid enough attention to everything else around me. Whatever the reason, I have to hope that it will make me stronger in the future, and lead me to greater things down the road. I have to remember all the gifts that I've been given and the impact that they've had on my life. I am surrounded by family and friends that love me and support me everyday. Through my running career, I've met some incredible people and have been to some fascinating places. Much of my life's accomplishments have rooted from my running passion and for that, I have to be incredibly thankful. That is also the reason why I can't give up on this sport. This sport has defined a large part of who I am and I will always have a passion for it. Despite all the disappointments and heartaches, I still love it. In fact, those heartaches are what make the successes that much sweeter. While I have the ability, I will continue to put everything I can into this sport. Once I've lost the ability to compete at a high level, I'll find another way to stay connected to it. While doing all of this however, I have to remember that running isn't everything. It's a big part of my life right now, but I know there is a bigger purpose to my life than running. I just have to believe in the decisions I've made, and believe that what I do now will lead me to the path that I'm meant to take. I just have to have faith.
"Every passion has it's destiny"
- Billy Mills
Tuesday, April 29: 6:00 PM - Track Workout
24 min w/u
5 x (800m, 100m jog, 300m) 3.5 mr between sets
2:18.4, 48.3
2:15.5, 49.6
2:16.5, 48.8
2:15.5, 49.4
2:16.2, 49.8
25 min c/d
(right knee was tight that night)
Wednesday, April 30: 10:30 AM - 10+ Miles, 73 min
(knee wasn't bad on the run but sore later in the day)
Thursday, May 1: 0 Miles (Right knee pain)
Friday, May 2: 6:30 PM - 6 Miles, 40 min
(knee was feeling better, both shins were tight)
Saturday, May 3: 9:00 AM - Track Workout
25 min w/u
1 Mile @ 4:33.1 (4.5 mr)
2 x 800 @ 2:11.3, 2:11.9 (2.5 mr)
4 x 400 @ 66.5, 64.8, 64.4, 65.0 (1.5 mr)
(shins were tight on the warm up and cool down but not bad during the workout)
Sunday, May 4: 12:30 PM - 2 Miles, 16 min
(shin pain was so bad that I had to stop and walk)
Week Total = 48 Miles, 2 Track Workouts, 2 days off
April = 295 Miles
Monday, May 5: 0 Miles (hurt to walk)
Tuesday, May 6: 0 Miles (walking was a little better)
Wednesday, May 7: 0 Miles, PT w/ Holly
(left shin is better, right shin still hurts to walk on)
Thursday, May 8: 0 Miles (walking is easier)
Friday, May 9: 8:00 AM - 20 min shakeout on Pre's Trail
7:15 PM - Oregon Twilight
20 min w/u
5K Race - 15:12 (14th place)
no cool down
(no pain in the left leg at all, right leg is the worst its been yet)
Saturday, May 10: 0 Miles (having trouble walking)
Sunday, May 11: 0 Miles (still very painful to walk on)
Week Total = 9 Miles, 1 Race, 6 days off
First of all, I need to apologize for missing last weeks post. I wasn't sure what was going on with my body and I wanted to wait until I had a better answer before giving an update. I still don't have a good answer for what's going on, but I can talk about what I know.
Last Friday, I started having some pain in both of my lower shins. I've never had shin splints and was puzzled by the fact that I would get them now, but I assumed that's what they were. I did my workout on Saturday and didn't have too much of a problem.
However, I was in pain walking around the rest of the day and on Sunday, I couldn't run more than a mile without stopping to walk. If felt as if I had razor blades embedded under the skin and each time I took a step, they were cutting deeper and deeper. I continued to ice the rest of the day and spent hours reading up on shin pain symptoms. The majority of the pain was located about 3-4 inches above the ankle and on the anterior side. More so on the right leg than on the left. I've never had a stress fracture before either, but with the amount of pain I was in, I thought it had to be that. On Monday, I was already considering the fact that my season could be over and that I may not be able to run for the next couple months. I then saw Holly on Wednesday before departing for Oregon. She examined me and concluded that it was purely a soft tissue injury and that it was unlikely to be a stress fracture. She said that while it will probably be painful, I could still race on it and deal with the inflammation after the race.So I went to Eugene with the intent of racing the 5K on Friday night. I was joined by Rupprecht, Mario, Joanie, Catherine, and Kevin. I still didn't run at all, hoping to let it heal as much as possible before the race. By the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling confident that I could pull this off and still get a good performance in. When I warmed up for the race, the pain continued to grow in my right leg. My left leg seemed to be completely healed, but my right side was getting worse by the minute. I just wanted to get to the start line and start racing so I could forget about the pain in my leg and focus instead on the pain of 12 and a half laps around Hayward Field. Of course, at this time, Barack Obama decided to enter the stadium and delay the meet for another 20 minutes. This anticipation was killing me and the pain in my leg was worsening with every stride I took. Doubt began to enter my mind and I was already starting to lose this race... but I just kept telling myself to tough it out and forget about the pain.
Finally, it was race time and the gun fired. I went into race mode and stuck with the plan. I found my spot in the pack and was cruising through the first few laps at 68 mids. The pace felt comfortable and even slow at times. I could do this, I could make this work. I started to think that this was going to be my day. Then everything just fell apart. For some reason, after about 5 laps, I couldn't focus on the race anymore. The only thing that I could think about was this warm sensation in my leg. I started to struggle, the pace no longer felt easy and I began to fade. The warm sensation had turned into tremendous pain. Doubt had overtaken my mind and there was nothing I could do to get rid of it. By the time 7 laps rolled around, all I could think about was stepping off the track and ending this agony. I drifted out into lane 2 and started to slow down. Then I looked up into the famous grandstands of Hayward Field... I saw the new Nike scoreboard showing the leaders of the race I was in... I saw thousands of people standing and clapping for the 20 athletes that were circling around the red oval, trying to improve their place in this sport. This was the magical track that everyone talked about... The house that Bowerman built, the heart of track and field, and the place where dreams come true.
I have never dropped out of a race and I just couldn't bring myself to do it here on this track. The last 6 laps seemed to take forever as I did my best to show an honest effort. I jogged the last mile and a half in pain and embarrassment, each time around just counting how many more laps I had to endure. I finally finished... and for some reason, I still looked up to check the time. As I saw those numbers next to my name on the scoreboard, I got sick to my stomach and just wanted to crawl into a hole. I sat under that tent at the finish line for a good 20 minutes. I'd like to say that I was coming up with some mind blowing revelations about sport or life or anything... but honestly, I can't remember thinking about a thing. I just sat there and stared at the ground. What just happened? Was this one of those bad dreams you have before the big race, only to wake up realizing that it hadn't happened yet? How could things be going so great and then just change overnight? What had I done wrong?
I realize these are questions that many runners end up asking themselves at some point in their careers. It's a tough thing to deal with and it's hard to stay positive when disaster strikes. I realize injury is a risk that comes with this sport, and it's one that I willingly face each day that I go out for a run or do a workout. Over the years, I've tried to limit those risks with preventative measures, but I've also increased the risks with increased workload and intensity. I have to keep in mind that to achieve these great things that I strive for, I have to take these risks and hope that despite the low points of injuries, there will also be high points of success.
I had a lot of time to think about things over the last couple days and try to put everything in perspective. I still have the belief that everything happens for a reason, and that we all lead our lives with a purpose. Even though some of the things that have happened in my life haven't made sense to me yet, I have to believe that they were all part of a greater plan than that of my own. There are many things in my life that I have control over and with that control, I try lead the best path I can. But there are so many more things in my life that I don't have control over, and for those things, I just need to have faith in the greater plan. I'll never know why we lost Emily or Jim or Marina so early on in this plan, but I'll always be thankful for the time that I had with them. Each one of them has made me a stronger person and has helped me appreciate the gifts that I'm given everyday. I don't know why this injury has come on now... maybe it's telling me that I've done too much, maybe I've done too little, or that I've put too much pressure on myself and haven't paid enough attention to everything else around me. Whatever the reason, I have to hope that it will make me stronger in the future, and lead me to greater things down the road. I have to remember all the gifts that I've been given and the impact that they've had on my life. I am surrounded by family and friends that love me and support me everyday. Through my running career, I've met some incredible people and have been to some fascinating places. Much of my life's accomplishments have rooted from my running passion and for that, I have to be incredibly thankful. That is also the reason why I can't give up on this sport. This sport has defined a large part of who I am and I will always have a passion for it. Despite all the disappointments and heartaches, I still love it. In fact, those heartaches are what make the successes that much sweeter. While I have the ability, I will continue to put everything I can into this sport. Once I've lost the ability to compete at a high level, I'll find another way to stay connected to it. While doing all of this however, I have to remember that running isn't everything. It's a big part of my life right now, but I know there is a bigger purpose to my life than running. I just have to believe in the decisions I've made, and believe that what I do now will lead me to the path that I'm meant to take. I just have to have faith.
"Every passion has it's destiny"
- Billy Mills
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